Yesterday, I began a self generated ninety day transformation. For the next three months, I am taking an inward journey of self love. This begins with an exploration of my internal landscape to become aware of, and modify, that which is creating my external experience. Our outer experience of the world, of life, is just a reflection of our inner environment. It is time for me to clean up my environment.
In my life I have many ways of distracting myself, of escapism, of not being present. In her book, “Women, Food and God” , Geneen Roth says, “Never underestimate the inclination to bolt.” [Quoting a Buddhist teacher, Pema Chodron] For this 90 day endeavor I commit to staying present and aware in each moment of my life, especially when I want to run! Instead, I will use it as the clue it is intended; to become aware that there is something I want to avoid, something I do not want to face, something I am afraid of, going on in my MIND. It is usually an automatic response stemming from the conditioned part of my mind, not from conscious choice. When I come upon such an impulse, I will now allow what ever it is to have it's moment. To hear what it has to say. Allow it to move through me and be released, exhaled like used up breath.
In my work, and through much study, I have learned that it is our own mind that limits us. We are the only thing in our way. We are not victims of circumstance or at the mercy of others; we are the creators of our own life experiences. We must take back our own power and choose with purpose and intention. Either way, we are creating what we live.
So far on this journey, I have discovered that I am VERY hard on myself. [Even for being hard on myself!] I am catching myself thinking thoughts of unworthiness, not enough-ness, being undesirable, not being allowed to have what I want. In the noticing of these thoughts, without judging them, I realize that I can choose to be kind and gentle to myself. That admonishing and berating has never inspired anyone to greatness or lasting change. I now question the validity of these automatic responses, and replace them with new, self loving responses. I am finding self acceptance and appreciation so motivating! I get more done in less time and am far more balanced in the process.
When we love and accept ourselves, the world is free to love us. When we do not, we are desperate for love and no matter how much the world loves us, it is not enough. We need constant reminders, reassurance of their love. We never really feel it. We don't really believe it. We may constantly question it. The only way to be content in it, is to be the source of it. Know the love of self. In that space, you can truly know you are loved and enjoy the love of another.
As I reveal and heal more of my inner being, I will share my new found wisdom with you all. Here's to new discoveries!
Happy healing,
Laurie
1 comment:
You go girl!
Post a Comment